2gether@Heart

I really hate life right now. Dont ask why, if u listen to that Demi Lovato song “For the Love of a Daughter” then u can proubly guess why but it got nothin to do with my Dad.

Ok, since my last post alot has happend to me. Me and my LDR boyfriend had broken up but we still talk because the love is still there, I had started talking to an old ex of mine and after awhile I realized that he is still a major part of my life in 2 ways. 1. He is the first boyfriend I told my dad about and 2. He is the one I gave my virginity too. I dont regret it but I do wish it was Sajmir that was my first, but I was afraid I was never going to meet him so my dumb mind wouldnt tell my ex “No”. But me and him are just Friends with benefits, nothing more. Sajmir on the other hand is constently on my mind, I cant stop picturing my life with him. He was mad when I told him what happened and hated me for it. I heard somewhere that Muslum women (hope i spelled that right) have to be virgins when they marry. Idk if thats the reason for him being really mad but I do understand it if it was. I love him so much but idk if I should just wait till I see him or move on. Its hard to think about never meeting or seeing him. I know I will I just dont know when. When I think about having sex its always Sajmir I see myself with and its romantic, you know all slow and sweet. Its also hurts knowing that the one who loves me so much is someone I cant even see or be near yet. I dont understand why my heart is keeping itself guarded from everyone but starts racing when he tells me he loves me. If I never meet Sajmir I know he’ll always be on my mind and in my heart completely. I had a drem about him and I couldnt help but cry when I woke up, it was just us and we were just done argueing and when we got to someplace he gave me his shirt and held my hand. I never like fighting so it was no surprize that my dreamself pulled his hand to my lips and kissed his knuckles. I saw him smiling and he pulled me close to him and kissed me. I wish I could wrap my arms around him like I did in my dream but I cant. Some people think long disance relationships are only for puppy love and end after a few months or years. I dont think they are, and they last as long as the people in the relationship want because LDR’s have more emotion and mental combatability because the more you talk the more love you have for that person. The physical part is what you start wanting after you see how great you are with that person because you want them to know they have you and you have them. Like its a sealed deal when that part is complete. I get it and I wish I could show Sajmir that I’ll always love him and I’m always his untill I’m finally with him.